Like it or not, cancer changes who you are. As a matter of fact, it changes the ones around you, as well. For some, your outlook on life seems to come from a different angle.
Before cancer, I dreamed of being more adventurous in life...as most of us did in our youth. Going somewhere new and even hoped to run my own business some day. I was conservative, but willing to take chances. After cancer, though, I am finding harder and harder to take chances. For instance, I an scared to change jobs. My income is our main income, along with the source of our health insurance...how can I gamble with that? Moving away from my support system and from who/what/where I know also seems to be risky decision to make. Then, of course, are the financial challenges that come with attempting to achieve those dreams. "Adventure" has been replaced with "routine", "responsibility" and a seemingly never-ending cycle that you never really get ahead of...and though I might be spoiled compared to people in some parts of the world, most people around me seem to enjoy life a little more then we do.
There are a thousand different sayings to support taking a "leap of faith", but I find it very hard to think, plan, and work towards a future when the present isn't even sure. Does that make sense?
I know where I am at in life is not very satisfying. I want more for my family. Cancer has not made realizing or planning those dreams seem even harder to imagine, much less accomplish. Life should be an adventure, but maybe that is more about approach then results.
Since ones outlook on life can seemingly be thrust about by near calamity, I suppose it should also be adjustable through frame of mind and approach...so I am going to give that whirl and see what comes of it...as always, I will keep you posted.
