Happy Halloween!!!

Halloween is the first holiday of the Fall season.  It is especially magical for those with young children.  There is little children love more than dressing up or pretending.  My son loves to act, dress up, jump into character, and scare people (not necessarily all together or at the same time, but you get my drift)....needless to say, he LOVES Halloween!

This year, he veered away from "Superheros" into the realm of the undead.  This year, he chose to be a Zombie.  Though he does not watch Zombies movies or shows, sometimes he does get chased around by "Daddy Zombie".

(Pictures to be added later!)

Kids are not the only ones who love to dress up.  Secretly, most adults love the opportunity as well.  I made me think, wouldn't Chemo and Radiation be more fun if you dressed in costume?  Of course, you always see a multitude of funny or silly hats and t-shirts, but seldom a full costume.  Nurses usually have their own fun way of keeping things light-hearted.  I just keep getting this picture in my mind of the cast of The Wizard of Oz, played by radiation patients of all sexes, ages, and creeds....it will likely haunt you as well.

Brain Cancer Ups and Downs

The "ups" and "downs" of a patient, or family of the patient, fighting brain cancer are bewildering.  There are times when, for no apparent reason, things may go great around the house...and there are times, for no apparent reason, they can be fairly awful...sometimes, despite the efforts of those involved.  I wish I could get a list of "Things That Make The Day Go Right"...but that list changes, depending on the attitudes and obstacles we might encounter.  Some days you give 100% and things still go wrong.  Some days you literally "throw in the towel" and things go well.  I know that I am not the husband or person I used to be...and I do not even have cancer...and even though my wife is a brain cancer survivor, even I can not tell you the many ways brain cancer, or any cancer, changes the survivor.  Some become more driven then ever, some, eh, not so much...but for one thing you may have to deal with, it causes more change, trouble, worry, joy, emotions, and hosts of other challenges...becoming impossible to comprehend how to handle things or react.  Never underestimate the amount of stress any cancer patient is going through, but if it is Brain Cancer, expect a little more.

Merry Ol' Meningitis

Days after brain surgery, recovery, and release from the hospital, my wife experienced a really bad head-ache that landed us in the ER and spawned her second hospital stay, about $20,000 in additional medical bills, and, worst of all, her to miss Christmas.  It was not until months later that we found out it was due to bacterial meningitis.  We knew it was an infection being treated by some of the strongest antibiotics available, but the word "meningitis" wasn't used until months later.  I had suspected it, but didn't dig much deeper.  At that point, we were both in the daze that comes with a crazy cancer diagnosis and rush to treatment (not to mention the holidays).  At one point, her neurosurgeon even suggested that post-operative infections sometimes are connected to spontaneous remission.  What was not mentioned was all the possible long-term side effects, which include memory loss, light-headiness, learning disabilities, hearing problems, head aches, coordination issues, general and limb weakness, vision impairment, organ damage, skin damage, arthritis, and a host of others.  Combine those with the side effects from the radiation and chemotherapy, well, you have a lottery of just about every ill you could experience...many of which haunt my wife on a daily basis.  What I find most disturbing, though, is how doctors don't look out for most of these...almost, in a fashion that would suggests they would prefer you just "tough it out".  Though these issues are mostly temporary, they are certainly among the most challenging issues a cancer patient would face daily and can cause a patient to not recover as well as possible, not to mention how it can feed the worry of the loved ones around the patient.

I have to think, after facing all these challenges you come out stronger, but those days are impossible to imagine right now.

Brain Cancer: Coping With Personality & Behavior Changes

Every brain cancer patient and treatment is different.  The damage to the patients brain, treatments, medication side effects, and the related stress or depression always has some effect on the patients personality.  In Melissa's case, that is very evident.  She has really struggled with motivation.  She constantly seems to fight fatigue.  She has also experienced confusion or forgetfulness, lack of emotion, and seems very easily agitated.  The care-giver in me extends seeming never-ending patients, while the husband and father in me just wants my damn wife back.  I have to say, as of late, for me (at least) the changes in her personality and behavior have been the hardest for me to deal with.  Melissa, like most patients, is nearly oblivious to these changes.

Here is a great link to information..."Coping With Personality & Behavior Changes"
http://www.brainsciencefoundation.org/bUnderstandbPrimaryBrainTumors/AdditionalResources/CopingWithPersonalityBehavioralChanges/tabid/283/Default.aspx

Here Comes Christmas!

Here we are, over a week into October...cool weather upon us...pumpkins, costumes, decorations for Halloween.  Blink and it will be Thanksgiving.  Blink again and it will be Christmas.  Normally, I am crazy excited about this time of year.  Sure, I am looking forward to a great family meal on Thanksgiving...and Christmas is always magical...but I just don't know.  I guess I worry about things too much.  It seems like it has been so long since I had a normal Christmas...though, it has only been a little over 2 years.  One thing is for sure, having Melissa home for Christmas this year, instead of fresh out of BRAIN SURGERY, will be very nice.  No doubt, though, affording a decent Christmas will be tough this year.

10/2/2013 - Update

Sorry for the lack of updates lately.  My days are so jam packed with "to-do's" that time just flies by.  Melissa is not feeling well at all.  The cold that kept our son down all of about 12 minutes has grown into at least bronchitis and may be pneumonia now.  She is headed back to the doctor today, so cross your fingers...and toes...and legs...cross all that stuff!  We can NOT afford another hospital stay.

I have been sick too, but not quite as bad...though, I have to say, it has been a long time since I have been sick for a few weeks straight.  I am starting to feel a little better.  If I continue to feel better, I may just take my son camping for the night at Pocahontas State Park this weekend...nice, cheap way to spend the weekend entertaining the midget.  

We are approaching the competition of our first year of battling brain cancer.  It is a milestone no one should take lightly...but to us, it is really just a blur.  Fact is, without having to work, the calender on my phone, or the change of seasons, I couldn't tell you what month it is...or what day it is.  I feel much like I did 9 months ago, completely overwhelmed with medical bills, household bills, household chores, work, and all the daily tasks...but the only difference now is that no one really helps us anymore.  The desire to "enjoy your time" is constantly overshadowed by our lack of stability supporting our household.

Despite being broke, I have really tried to work hard to make sure little man has some fun every weekend.  He has worked pretty hard at school this year and also has undoubtedly faced some challenges with his mothers cancer.  I suppose I try to offset that (without spoiling, per say)...while also not spending recklessly.

I am just a bit overwhelmed.  Bills, work, home, and being sick....it takes it's toll.  I get no real breaks...even more so, I kind of feel bad if and when I do get a break.  

There is only one glorious curse word that, if presented properly, seems to embody exactly how I feel....fuck (pronounced: Fuuuuuuck).