Friday, August 2, 2013

Not Much Greater 9 Months Later

Every cancer patients situation is unique.  Complications and challenges vary depending on so many different variables that even doctors do not know what to expect all of the time.  Most will not even began to delve into the "well, this could happen" realm, hitting only the high points, setting you up for shock when each challenge arrives.  Despite a lack of knowledge...stumbling into the just try to keep up with life, a challenge in-of it's self.  The only thing I seem to find in common with most cancer patient and survivor stories is the cost of health care and fact that whatever your challenges are, they seem to come out of no where and suck.  Here we are, 9 months later, Melissa in remission, yet, our challenges seem harder then ever...financially, mentally, and physically.  I begin to wonder, do severe cancer patients ever really recover?  Sure, there are those ones, driven to survive and regain the active lifestyle they once had...but, what about normal people?  Do they ever "get better"?  There is no simple answer...yes, some "survive", but they will find themselves in what I have called the "new normal".  Our "new normal" includes, but is certainly not limited to, Melissa being unable to do much physically, almost numb emotionally, countless medications, and lots of debt, just to name a few.  For me, as the caregiver and sole income maker, I find myself also stuck, in many different ways.  As much as I like my job and need to work for money and health insurance, I probably need to spend more time at home, and long to do so every day.  I would love to move to a better location, but money is becoming harder to save every day and it is very hard to find a new place working all the time.  I find myself near spoiling my own child just to have some good times for a few minutes.  I have to admit, I have placed myself far down my priority list in my life...and it is having it's effects.  Melissa has no real priority list...and honestly, I can not blame her.  She has handled things far better than I would have imagined myself handling them...and, anyway, there is no hand-book for things that suck this bad.  It seems that, for me at least, I have had to trade my "happy-go-lucky" attitude for a "worry, too busy, not-so-lucky, WTF" attitude.  You can't really plan ahead and any plan you may have had, before cancer, is now impossible.  Seeing other peoples lives moving forward is hard to watch sometimes.

We are just not much greater 9 months later.

You can tell I am a bit frustrated.  It comes and ones fault...not much anyone can do.  It is when my blog is the most active, readers beware.  haha...

I am so glad we got to go to San Diego...because for a few moments there, I think I may have even forgot about cancer for a few moments.  Those things are so important, even though it may seem to some excessive.  I am telling you first hand, a vacation every month would not be enough sometimes...there can never be too much fun or frivolous things when cancer invades your family.  Organization like 3LittleBirds4Life, who helped send us on vacation, are so important.  They help you create moments when you desperately need them.  

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