Thursday, August 15, 2013

Update - 8/15/2013

Melissa had a few good days and some bad days.  When she feels good, things are good.  When she feels bad...well, you get the picture.  I will be glad when little man goes back to school, because that will mean more structure and activity for him and less work for Melissa.  We could neither find nor afford child-care this summer and things have been shaky, at best.  I do the best I can to get little man out and do things, but I am forced to work and it literally.  I do not want to sound like I am attacking Melissa's ability to be a good mother...she is one...but her fuse, motivation, and energy levels are definitely a recipe for disaster when it comes to caring for a 6 yo....but with some compromise and a regular lunch visit from Daddy, things seem to have gone pretty well, given the circumstances we have faced this summer.  If she continues to feel the way she has the past 6 months, this will likely be the last summer, for a while at least, that little man will get to spend at home.  I will just have to be more proactive to get him into a summer program or camp next year.

I am constantly having to worry about so much...and it is no ones is just how it is.  There is never enough time for everything and it sucks, because, I want to have things under control and that is just not really possible with Cancer attacking a family member.  At first, the "One Day at a Time" approach seemed to work for me, but that doesn't apply to children, bills, or managing a household.  When the diagnosis is fresh and everyone is still in shock, help pours in...but after a few months I find myself alone again, trying to "swim upstream against a vicious current".  Frankly, I would not know where to start to even ask for help and really hate asking for it...and most of the things I just prefer to do myself, anyway...ya know, unless someone wants to go to work for me or pay some bills.  No takers?  Can't blame you.  I have never been a person you expected hand outs or, for that matter, bummed or asked friends for help.  It has always been the other way around, if anything.  I have invited friends without a place to go into my house, sometimes for years...helped everyone I know move at least once...even give change to the homeless...that good karma has to come back around.  In the mean time, I will just keep on keeping on.  

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