Thursday, May 23, 2013

5/22/2013 - The "R" Word...

We both sat in the doctors office waiting room for what seemed like hours.  Finally, they called us back.  Again, we waited for a while.  Nervous energy...I found myself tapping my foot or bouncing my knee.  Melissa asked, "You nervous?"  I said, "nah."  If we were expecting bad news then I would have been very nervous.  I was nervous when she showed my the first picture of the tumor.  I was very nervous during and after surgery.  I was nervous, I am just anxious.  Hell, we have lived in "bad news" for the past 6 months...if more were to come, well,  it would not be a surprise...just more of the same.

The doctor finally came in...

At this point, I even had my phone turned off.

"I have reviewed your scans and they look pretty good", the Dr said.  He continued, "...and I think it is not to early to mention the word 'remission'."  Now, as he explained before, that does not mean that we are out of the water, but it does mean we are out in front of this thing now, and that's where you have to be to beat any cancer.  Brain cancer almost certainly comes back...but when and how seriously, only time will tell.

I was sure we would both be more excited...and we were, kind of, but not like I expected.  We have so much more to face, regardless of whether the tumor grows back or not.  The medicines she is on are wreaking havoc on her body...all the down time has not helped either...the mountains of bills.  In a way, we face an even tougher challenge just trying to get back to living again.  You just put one foot in front of the other and take it "one day at a time"'s all you can do.

I want desperately to be that "motivator" for her...her best friend usually served in that role...which helped keep me out of the dog house...but that friend now lives 2 hours I will be forced into that role.  I am less pushy and less effective, mainly because of my extreme sweetness and constant outpouring of affection, but I will do my best to motivate her.  This has to be look treated like a second chance at life.  Treating it any other way would be like giving that chance up and conceding victory to cancer.

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