Friday, February 15, 2013


(Soapbox WARNING)
Optimism....something that I hope is as strong as so many have suggested.  Hard, though, at times, to focus directly on it without feeling like you are deceiving yourself.  When so many things have bombarded your life, you began to question things....perhaps not religiously, but more cosmically.  Like luck or karma...ask, why?  You want to be prepared...realistic...which is what doctors feed you.  No real optimism from doctors..."just the facts m-am"....if you plan on being optimistic, best to not ponder much of what the doctors say....again, another very hard thing to avoid.  They are the experts, right?  Jeez...Word to the wise, "stay strong" or "live strong" feels better to hear than "stay optimistic" and Melissa are beyond a way, we neglect to even fathom the pessimistic versions of the outcome of all this brain cancer crap.  With treatment looming...yet another phase in the many horrible phases of is on my mind.  If you could hear an audio clip of my mind at work, it would sound like "get out of bed...brain cancer....stretch...brain cancer....shower...brain cancer....get dressed...brain cancer....make coffee...brain cancer...." and on and get my point.  I have to turn the radio up when I drive alone to try to not think about things....I tell ya....not fun.  

Damn I am glad it is Friday.

1 comment:

  1. Hello I just wanted to say I understand you a lot and your story has helped me. I am a 32 year old father of 2 girls ages 8 and 7. My story when my wife was 29 she was diagnosed with breast cancer which was hard enough at the age of 30 after chmo and 1 operation it was gone. A year later out of the blue she complained of a pain in her leg and it would not go away so a trip to the ER and we found the cancer had returned to her bones. So the process started again shortly after she begain to get sick and could not keep aything down so out of precaution they did a CT scan and the news was horrible it had spread to her brain I just found this information out 3 days ago and I feel like I am in a haze. Surreal is a better word I already had a lot on my plate but now its worse. We just bought a newhouse a year ago and things were looking up now can it be I ask myself. We have been married 13 years and she is the love of my life and now the only thing she wants is to just see her kids graduate and that I can not promise her. I am just lost but you have given me a little light to follow thank you.