Monday, April 22, 2013

4/16/2013 Through 4/19/2013

For the first time, since starting the blog, I went almost a week without posting an update.  Sorry, Readers...I was having a rough week.  You did not miss out on much, besides a grumpy blogger.  It was a busy at work and the weight of all the things I have to do was wearing on me pretty hard.  There is just never enough time in the day.  There was also very little to report.  We are almost 2 weeks through a 4 week treatment break, which, towards the end of, we may finally get some answers on whether treatment was effective.  On top of all that, the dark cloud of medical debt is looming will not be long before they began the assault to collect that will undoubtedly destroy our credit and ruin our finances.  Despite having great insurance, even reaching our maximum out-of-pocket expenses, we have around 10K or so in medical debt...with over 200K paid by our health insurance.  Though 10K may not sound like a lot, she also can not work, yet I make just a little too much for any type of assistance.  I can write and apply for grants for non-profits, but each requires an extensively long form chock-full of personal financial information.  It is something I MUST find time for, though, seldom do the grants exceed $500, so we are talking about quite a few applications.

Melissa is eager to get back to work.  I was at all not surprised she has a bit of cabin fever...but, what did surprise me is that the cabin fever has not led her to get up and be more active around the house, at least.  I do not mean it in a bad way...hell, she has cancer...but still, I would like her see her test her limits at home before trying to work for someone else.  She still needs clearance from doctors first.  I think she is getting there, though.  She got up last Thursday, stayed up the entire day, and tuckered her self out...then slept through the night for the first time in months.  I am hoping the warm weather and summer will provide all the motivation one needs to regain some activity.

I have read a lot recently about spouse care-givers and the mental struggles that come with it.  The spouse can sometimes set expectations...."If that was me, I would..."  Well, it is not me....and who knows how I would react.  I try to just make sure she does most of what she is supposed to, treat her as normal as possible, and motivate her gradually.  I am pretty sure, though, if it were me with brain cancer, I would NOT have handled this is well as Melissa has.  She has been pretty strong through this, which in turn has allowed me to stay even stronger...if the tables were turned, I am afraid I would have turned out to be more of a burden then she has been.

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