12/12/2012

Happy 12 12 12! We are awaiting insulin and diabetes training...doubt anyone could keep Melissa from leaving this afternoon. We are all ready to be home.

Little man has been so good through all of this...even got good marks at his first day back...my man! Came home yesterday sporting a vintage Doug Williams sweat shirt....something my mom saved from my childhood...too cool.

Suppose we will go out and do some special grocery shopping tonight...gotta eat right! Good eating leads to less insulin shots.

I expect I will be forced to watch Magic Mike tonight....oh well, anything for my sweetie...as long as we are home, whatever.

Surprise early return, or late if you counted the first two times it should have came back....grade three tumor of astrocytes....there is no cure or treatment that will ever heal her of fix her completely....the big question, how long does she have.....well, lots of variables, but three to five years.....I am beyond fucking upset with things, though, Melissa seems to not even want to listen or understand things....didn't even listen to the doctor, was more worried about the tiny insulin needle. Never enough time, ya know....we have a son who will have lost two mothers before he even grows up. Now the real fun begins in a rally to save her life....travels, trials, costs that we can not afford nor can afford not to try.

She was passed out when I retuned from going to the car to brake down. I plan on being the best damn healthcare assistant/husband I can be for as long as I have a chance to be....we have to beat this. My only worry is that she does not currently seem to be up to the fight ahead. I think tIme, oh and the plethora of doctors we will face, that may cause this to sink in. Maybe seeing our beautiful son will be all the motivation she needs. I know I am beside myself....surreal this is even continuing to happen to us....knowing is not always better if it is too late. Now, more than ever, I need that miracle....that divine intervention, to come and wipe away these horrors we face. Only thing I can say is this is not the result of something, but a completely random occurrence....not because of lifestyle or weight....not due to drinking or smoking....just a messed up random thing that is now ours.

You would think I had the tumor....I wish I could though. If allowed to trade my life for hers, I would do it in a second. I can't fight this for her, I can only help.....but if I could I would, without hesitation. No one deserves this....it is worse than a car accident or a heart attack. I feel so bad for the friends, family, and loved ones who have and will share in this.

By no means am I giving up...I went back and read my writing, and I did not want anyone to think that....though, I will need everyone's help to make sure Melissa never gives up.

So before we could leave the hospital, Melissa needed to give herself an insulin shot...and well, that was awful...though she handles needles well, she does not handle administering them.  This will be a journey....5 shots a days worth.

The cost of her medicines was a shock to the wallet.  No choice though, can't skimp on the meds.